How should I deal with a new friend bringing up a tragedy?
Many of us find ourselves in this position. There is a new friend or even acquaintance that brings up a tragedy in their life. It is a delicate subject because this person is new to your life and you may be unsure on how to deal with them. In this uneasy situation just express your condolences and possibly add "this must have been a hard situation for you". This is a polite way to deal with a new friends tragic situation.
Dear Marvin, We sent our Save the Dates out almost one year ago and are getting ready to send out invitations. Some people that received save the dates have already told us that they won't be able to make it. Should we still send them invitations?
To Mail Or Not To Mail
Dear Mystified Mailer, Yes, still send out an invitation to all those that received save the dates. Things change. Their plans could have been canceled or moved since they first received your save the date. It's courteous to send them the invitation regardless, since you already included them in the save the dates. Besides, now you should receive a formal "no" response card which will help keep track.
Dear Marvin, I'm not close with my family except my mom. Is it weird if I ask someone on my fiance's side to walk me down the aisle? I feel closer to his family than I do my own.
Processionally Perplexed
Dear Processionally Perplexed, The tradition of having someone walk you down the aisle to give you away is not absolutely necessary. As with all wedding traditions, there are many modifications to the original that can be made to make it specific to your day. You can walk down by yourself, signifying your independence or have your groom meet you halfway down the aisle. You can also ask your mom to walk you down the aisle, which she will surely be honored to do. If you want a member of your fiance's family to escort you, discuss it with your soon-to-be groom to see how he feels before approaching the family member. You have many options to make your ceremony intimate and personal. List all your options and then discuss them with your fiance.
Dear Marvin, I love my engagement ring! It has lots of details that show from all angles. I feel like a wedding band may hide some of the intricate details but my family keeps telling me that I have to get a wedding band. Is that true?
Band EvaderDear Band Evader, There's no steadfast rule that says you have to wear a wedding band. Some brides like to wear a band so that they can wear their band w/o a flashy engagement ring while still signifying their commitment to their partner. Your family may be saying you "need" the band b/c that's the tradition they're used to. You do what you're comfortable with. Your family will understand but remember that once you're engaged you will receive much unsolicited advice and you need to pick and choose what you want to apply to your day.
Dear Marvin, My wedding is only two months away and I still don't have a florist. I feel like I can't find a florist that can see the vision that I have in mind. Florals are not huge in my budget and I would like to mix large floor arrangements with small centerpieces and conservative bouquets. I feel like I'm running out of time and soon may be out of options, but I don't want to spend thousands of dollars on flowers that I'm not happy with.
Mystified By Florals
Dear Mystified, My first suggestion is to create a story or inspiration board, if you haven't already, that will spell out the theme, colors and design of your day. You can search online and in mags for thousands of floral samples and I would suggest categorizing them by the elements that you adore (stem wrap style, specific flowers incorporated, texture appearance, size, etc.) I would take these to as many floral appointments as you can make in the next two months to guarantee that you will find someone who you feel comfortable with and can bring your vision to fruition. My second suggestion would be if you are looking for something simple and specific that you feel you could trust in the hands of a family member or friend, maybe order the flowers yourself and work on different arrangements, bouquets until you master them and then can pass them on to someone to deliver the day of. Costco.com and Farmstogo.com have good prices on retail flowers. Start researching and scheduling those appointments!
Dear Marvin, We are having a wedding day bar dilemma. Sounds silly, but true! My fiance's family wants to host a full bar after my fiance and I had already decided on beer and wine only. His parents are planning to pay for the liquor, since mine are paying for the plated dinners. We didn't want it in the first place because we don't want things to get out of control. Some of my fiance's cousins and his friends are known to abuse the privilege of an open bar. I don't know if this is worth arguing over, since they're paying for it. What should we do?
No Liquor For Me Dear Liquor Less, First of all have you and your fiance tried explaining to your future in-laws why you prefer no liquor? They may be more understanding then you expect. If you have and they're not budging then I would try to work out a compromise with them regarding the hosted bar. Discuss the option of only serving beer and wine during the cocktail hour and after dinner and having a full bar available during dinner. This way the period of time that guests will be consuming hard alcohol will be complemented (soaked up) by food, helping to avoid any belligerence.
Dear Marvin, My fiance and I had discussed getting married in Mexico because we love the ocean and the idea of having our wedding away from home. We want to share the experience of a destination vacation with our closest friends and family. There are a few family members on both sides that say they won't attend if we hold our wedding out of the country. Some of the reasons are different but the point is that these are people we would really like to attend our celebration. We are now conflicted about holding our wedding in Mexico. What should we do?
Beach Bound
Dear Beach Bound, My suggestion would be to discuss this further with your fiance. You have a few options here: 1. Accept the fact that everyone cannot attend your wedding for whatever reasons, be grateful and excited to share your moment with those that can. 2. Find a beach destination in the US that you both agree on and make sure that those family members will be able to attend if these changes are made. 3. Have your amazing Mexico beach wedding and then upon return hold a small reception for those that were unable to leave the country.
Dear Marvin, I am feeling so stressed out from all this wedding planning! Between bridesmaid dresses and music selection, I am starting to freak out! Everyone keeps telling me to calm down, which is making me feel even more stressed! Please help!
Dear Marvin, My wedding is in six weeks and our venue just closed and cleared out all their belongings before I even found out the doors were closing. We have already left a deposit with the staff to secure our date and menu choices. I have less than two months to find a new venue, pay for it and hopefully get my deposit back from the original venue. What should I do?
Vexed By My Venue
Dear Vexed, This is a difficult situation, but with a quick call to action and determination, you can find another great venue. My first suggestion would be to find your original contract and attempt to contact the owners of the venue and get your deposit back. I would also ask if there's any sort of "inconvenience recourse" that they are offering. They may possibly help secure another venue, additional money returned, look into sister company venues as an alternative, help cover some form of wedding costs or services. While working on getting your deposit back, begin contacting venue alternatives, possibly with the help of someone in the industry. You can contact local associations, AFWPI (afwpi.com), NACE (sacramentonace.net) and local publications and send an email explaining your situation and asking for any information available. You will be amazed at the flood of response that you get from industry professionals wanting to help by offering assistance or contact information. If you continue to struggle with getting your deposit back, the final action would be small claims court. If you let us know what area you're planning your wedding in, we would be happy to get an email out to local vendors, publications, associations, etc. on your behalf and have them contact you.
Dear Marvin, Some of my wedding Ideas are a little bit, "out of the box", untraditional if you will. I love all of the new trends out now and one of my favorites is the candy bar. All of the different types of candy that my soon to be hubby and I love. (Our first date was to the movies and so I feel candy is fitting.) The problem is that my mother and her sister think this idea is a bit juvenile. Even though my mom is helping to pay for some of our wedding I feel like it is still OUR wedding and I should have it how I want it. Should I honor my motherâ??s wishes and ditch the candy?
Craving CandyDear Craving Candy, I have seen the trend of candy at recent weddings and I too, LOVE it!!!I think you should sit down with dear sweet mom and tell her how important it is to you to make your day special. Make sure she knows the connection between the candy and the first date. I'm sure after a heart to heart she will understand. Maybe show her examples from magazines or websites on how tasteful the candy bar can be done. No matter who foots the bill it is still your day and you only get one chance to make it exactly what you want.
